Self-Nurturing for Caregivers
Being a primary caregiver to a loved one has its own unique set of challenges. You want to provide the best possible care and environment for your loved one. However, the never ending “to do” list causes you burnout and stress. The need for self-care is not selfish, it is absolutely necessary. Think about the safety instructions on an airplane… “put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping those around you.” The same is true for caregivers. Take care of yourself first. You are no good to anyone else if you are depleted.
You truly can not pour from an empty cup. The following tips have been successfully used by me and my clients to reduce stress. Some of these ideas were provided to me during discussion after I lead a presentation to members of a local caregiver support group.
It’s important to note that what works for one person may not work for another. Try one, or a few. Mix them up in combination if you are so inclined. Maybe one will work for awhile and then something else feels better for you. The important thing is to do what feels easy and authentic for you in releasing and relieving your stress, so you are better equipped to handle the day-to-day responsibilities of caregiving.
Check in with yourself
Take 5-10 minutes several times a week to check in with yourself to assess your needs and feelings. Whether that is over your morning coffee, during your shower, or while you are walking your furry friend, ask yourself how you are really doing. Are you in balance? If not, what tweaks can you do to put your life back in alignment. This is a simple proactive approach which allows you to become aware of your own needs and feelings before stress and overwhelm pile up and become unmanageable.
Meditation
Sitting in stillness calms the mind and allows you to gain a new perspective on stressful situations. Meditation helps increase self-awareness, focus on the present, reduces negative emotions, and increases patience and tolerance.
Start with 10 minutes. It definitely takes practice. Focus on your breathing. When your mind wanders just acknowledge the thoughts that come without judgment and focus again on the breathing. Consistency matters. Thoughts are like a conveyor belt. They constantly roll on by. The key is to know what thoughts to pay attention to and what thoughts to filter out.
Walk in Nature
Time in green space reduces your cortisol levels which is a stress hormone. Nature also boosts endorphin levels which promotes happiness. Walking in nature has also been shown to ease muscle tension and anxiety. Even a 20 minute walk around the block will help clear your head.
Journaling
Writing down your thoughts and feelings allows you to free your mind and reduces stress and anxiety by putting pen to paper. Journaling helps improve your mood by prioritizing problems, fears, and concerns. The act of writing things out also increases self-confidence, finds inspiration, and strengthens memory.
The great thing about journaling is you can use it as a tool to track your progress and growth. You can go back and look at what you wrote 3-6 months ago and notice what you thought was such a huge issue at that time is a complete nothing burger in the present moment.
Gratitude Practice
Gratitude is a game changer! Our minds are not naturally wired to practice gratitude, so it takes intention. Practicing gratitude means appreciating all the positive things in your life and really embracing that. When you are grateful for all that you have you naturally attract more goodness into your life. One way to practice gratitude is to think of 3 good things that happened in your day before you go to bed. Either write them in a gratitude journal or say them out loud. Think outside the box. Be thankful for small things, silly things, big things, and obscure things. When you think of what you are grateful for, include how they made you feel, the smells, taste, and sounds associated with them.
The benefits of practicing gratitude include greater happiness, reduced stress, improved self-esteem, increased resilience, more positive emotions, improved overall health, greater ability to deal with adversity, stronger relationships, and improved sleep.
Music
Music is a universal healer and it’s so simple. Putting on your favorite genre can take you back to a time when you were free of responsibility. I played my 80’s hair band songs in my car when I was taking care of my Dad during his last illness. Listening to those songs were a bright spot in my day and allowed me to deal with the heaviness of the duties associated with the nursing home.
One of my clients taking care of her terminally ill spouse treats herself to music daily and makes herself get up and dance whenever one of her favorite songs comes on.
It’s giving yourself permission to let loose and reduce stress. You can even make a play list of your favorite songs and pull them up any time you need to release some stress.
Set Boundaries
As a caregiver you have a myriad of responsibilities right now. You can not be everything to everybody. Nor can you be everywhere doing all the things you used to do. Your focus has narrowed. If you have not already, it’s time to set healthy boundaries. Learn to say NO. No is a complete sentence.
What are your key values and priorities right now? Get clear with where your focus and attention need to go. Learn to filter out distractions. Delegate less important tasks to a trusted friend or family member to help ease your workload.
Then, learn to say NO to things that are not serving you or your loved one at this time. In the future things may change, but right now decline anything that is just an added stressor.
It’s Good Enough
Most of us are so used to having everything perfect, but that sets us up for unrealistic expectations and exhaustion when we are caregivers. Learn to lower your expectations and adopt the “its good enough” attitude. If you can pull back in just one area of your life suddenly everything else becomes more manageable. For example, when I was taking care of my Dad, I had an extremely rigid laundry schedule for my family. One day in the hospital it hit me that if the sheets and towels were not clean on Tuesday, it was “good enough.” Everyone was going to be fine. Suddenly the burden of filling out forms, dealing with doctors, hospice etc. became more manageable because I lowered my expectations in just that one area of my life.
Support Group
When you are a caregiver, it’s so critical to talk to others who are experiencing the same thing. No one else truly understands what you are going through on a daily basis. Whether it’s online or in person, a support group is a judgment free zone. It’s a true lifeline for each other and where you can bounce ideas off someone else in your same shoes.
Alone Time
Some people get a charge from being alone and it’s important to take a break from activity and hyper scheduled “to do” lists. Even if you just grab a cup of coffee and sit and stare out the window, be sure to put yourself on your own priority list.
Plan Something Special
The anticipation of a special event allows you to look forward to something in advance. This can be something big or small like a concert with a friend or a golf outing. But having something on the calendar that is special to you puts that spring in your step and gives you permission to be forward thinking.
Make a Video of Loved One
Make a video of your loved one. This will give you such comfort and joy when your loved one is no longer with you and provides you with a lifetime of beautiful memories to savor. Be sure to capture their voice and laughter. Caregivers have shared that these videos are their most treasured possessions, and if they regret anything, they wish they had more videos of their loved one while they were healthier.
So, as we start 2024, what better resolution is there than to make yourself a priority? Put yourself on your “to do” list by trying a couple of the self-care action items listed above. By reducing your own stress, you will be the best version of you to care for your loved one.
In Loving Kindness,
Deb Church
ABOUT DEB CHURCH:
Deb has been in Wilmington for 26 years and practiced business and corporate law. Then she was fortunate to stay at home with her two boys. During her gig as a domestic engineer, she became a volunteer extraordinaire, community advocate, blogger, and wrote an adult humor book. During that time, she faced a myriad of struggles which knocked her life off course. When her 30 year marriage ended in divorce, she was forced to reassess life and started her life coach training. After navigating life’s craziest twists and turns, Deb’s mission is to share her experiences and lessons with others facing difficult life changes.
See it, Believe it, Achieve it!
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